1. There has been a lot of speculation regarding the Buffy/Spike dynamic in "Crush." One camp believes the S/B arc is an allegory for violence against women; stalking, obsession, threats...the other camp believes Spike is a changed man, and that Buffy is a "bitch" for not giving him a break. Where do you stand on these interpretations?

Let's see... Who should I piss off first?

Buffy IS a bitch for not giving Spike a break. I mean, what did he ever do to her, but try to KILL her and her friends countless times... team up with Adam to DESTROY HUMANITY... show up at her house with a LOADED SHOTGUN intending to blow her brains out... break into her bedroom to STEAL HER UNDERWEAR... KIDNAP HER, CHAIN HER TO A WALL and threaten to CUT HER UP, BURN HER... Who wouldn't want a guy like that?

He's not a "changed man." He is a character full of contradictions and levels and dimensions and other words I can't think of, just like real people (a subject I, admittedly, know nothing about).

But, ultimately, he is a demon, evil at the core and selfishly motivated. His "chip" affliction has domesticated him, somewhat, forced him to consider consequences for his actions, and afforded him the opportunity to show something resembling a conscience.

Is that redemption? Should Buffy fall in love with a guy who has no moral qualms about killing innocent people if given the chance again? Do you think I'm stupid enough to answer those questions here?

And as for the Angel comparison, he can't be held accountable for the actions of Angelus, any more than William can be held accountable for the actions of Spike. But Spike can be held accountable for the actions of Spike because he's Spike and not William, the same way Angel's Angel and not Angelus, unless he's something entirely diff-- SOMEBODY STOP ME!

2. Is Buffy a feminist hero? What role does feminist theory play in plot development?

I dunno. I'm a guy, what do I know? Ask Joss. He's a woman. I mean, feminist! A MANLY feminist.

3. What hurts more? A bad review from a "professional critic," or a bad review from one of us crazy, obsessed, Bronzers?

Actually, I find a pimple inside the ear hurts much worse than either of those.

4. Do you write for yourself, i.e. keep a journal?

I used to keep one until an ex-girlfriend stole my journal when we broke up and threw it in the garbage. I've never started another one since.

5. What was the last book you read that rocked your world?

I think it was my journal. It was very cool and amusing and full of wonderful insights the world will never know. *sniff*

6. Describe your own personal Hell, and tell us if it includes the song, "Paradise By the Dashboard Light" on a continuous loop.

Hey, I LOVE "Paradise By the Dashboard Light!" Meatloaf rocks! And Jim Whatshisface, the composer. Woo-hoo. It's on a continuous loop in my brain.

That said, my own personal Hell is "Billy, Don't Be a Hero" on a continuous loop in my kidneys.

7. How do you feel about really short punk-rock chicks?

As long as they call me "Daddy," I'm pro.

8. Viagra, or cheap porn and a six pack?

Porn and brew.

I mean... I'm extremely offended by that question.

9. What was the WORST idea for a Buffy or Angel script that ended up in the trash?

Well, I'm not about to mention anyone else's idea. That would be rude. But the worst idea I ever had was a big giant Swamp Thing-like Pot Monster that made everybody hungry and sleepy while fighting it.

Actually, now that I say it out loud, I'm starting to like that idea again.

10. Describe the best writers' meeting you ever had.

It would have to be the one where I mapped out the story arc for Buffy's Season Five by myself, and when Joss saw it he almost wept, calling me the greatest writer he's ever had the privilege of working with, a genius, he said.....and that's when I woke up to find security people cleaning out my office and escorting me off the lot.

11. Has there ever been a Buffy or Angel script that you wish YOU had written? Which one?

Anything Joss or Tim writes. Also, had the chance to write the episode of Spike's History that became Doug Petrie's BRILLIANT "Fool for Love" (One of my all-time favorite eps.), but passed on it since I was in the middle of moving. Though I doubt I could've done better, it would've been fun.

12. What was the first high ticket item you purchased when you realized that "staff writer" meant "steady paycheck?"

A 51-inch Projection TV and Laserdisc player, the latter being a stupid purchase as DVDs were just a year or two away.

13. I once did a survey in college that asked the question, "What is your favorite sexual position?" One respondent answered, "the masonry position." Do you have any idea what that is? If so, will you draw me a diagram? And what does this say about the fine members of brick-layers unions in America?

I could tell you what the masonry position is, but then you'd never leave the house. I will tell you you need a really strong wheel-barrow.

14. Speaking of unions, labor relations always reminds me of "Anne." Was that episode a tribute to the soul-draining-assembly-line-American worker? How do you personally feel about unions?

Anne was written before I came aboard, so I will not comment on it (except to say I wish I'd written it).

As for Unions, the only one that makes sense to me is the Brick-Layers of America. I mean, c'mon... the masonry position alone.

15. The episode "Go Fish" began with Buffy almost getting date-raped in a car, and not believed by Snyder. Later, the coach throws her into the "fish tank" to alleviate his boys' "needs." Was it a conscious decision on your part to deal with the issue of rape? Was there an intention to draw a comparision between testosterone, steroid popping jocks and those creepy "fish guys?" Were they fresh or saltwater fish?

Um... yes. Yes. I dunno. I guess they were ambi-aqua fish guys.

16. In your deepest, darkest, fantasies...Daphne from Scooby Doo or all the women in Josie and the Pussycats?

Okay, at first I confused Daphne with Velma thinking this question was a test to see if I'd go for the short, slightly overweight, smart chick over the bimbo band. So if I picked Velma, it would show I'm a deep, sensitive, grounded person who values wit and intellect over physical attributes.

But once I was reminded that Daphne was the hot redhead, the question became do I want one woman or three, illustrating my personal philosophy regarding monogamy vs. multiple sex partners.

So, with that in mind, I guess my answer is Spike and Buffy will never get together.

Oh, jeez! I did it again. Sorry. What was the question again?

17. Which car is cooler, The General Lee or KITT?

No contest. KITT. What's cooler than a car that speaks in the dulcet tones of The Graduate's dad?

18. You do realize that this interview is going on your permanent record, right? What would your third grade teacher think of the life you've hammered out for yourself?

Mrs. Kushner would say I'm still running a poor second to my classmate Marc Lawrence who wrote "Miss Congeniality." Movie writers always get more respect, even if we TV writers have more power.

19. Got any spoilers for us regarding the season finale?

Carnage. Death. Rescues. Buffy kills Dawn. Sacrifice. Death. (Wait! Did I just say Buffy kills Dawn?! Forget that. You didn't hear it from me, okay?) Fights. And more death. Written and directed by Joss. So greatness will be evident.

Oh, and Doyle will NOT appear in it.

And Joyce dies.